Heartbreaks Can Be Messy, But You Can Still Win: Ten Proven Ways To Get Over The Pain

Olatorera Dickson-amusa
Jul 9, 2021
4 min read

Heartbreak can make you weak. It can destroy your appetite and reduce your will to live. And unless you’re half human or asexual- in which case we all envy you- you will have dealt with messy emotions every now and then. I am of the opinion that if you can feel and think, then you can get hurt.

But then, popular musician Ed Sheeran says in one of his songs, “a heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved”.

This gives us hope that before our hearts break we will probably experience brief - or extended periods - of love induced euphoria.

You will probably argue with that last statement, especially if your heartbreak was triggered by unrequited love. If you will take it from my point of view however, you will agree that even crushing on someone brings happiness, however momentary.

Heartbreaks can be painful, and seem like the end of the world. There is a saying, however that nothing is permanent in this world except change. Change comes with time, gradually and irreversibly. Heartbreaks are no different from other difficulties in life, in that they will all pass.

That however, sounds very clichéd and not very comforting. Everyone who has experienced heartbreak knows that period of time it can feel as though the pain would never end.

Obviously what is needed therefore, are short-term solutions to help us cope. So here goes!

#1 Don’t be afraid to feel:

Today’s world preaches a lot of tough guy approach towards emotions. We hide our pain behind detached, philosophical quotes and emojis. And to be honest, it is easier to pretend nothing happened, than to admit that you have been hurt.

This behavior is counterproductive to healing, however. Feelings have been programmed into humanity for a reason. It is normal to be very hurt, and shutting down those feelings will only lengthen your healing period.

Instead, admit to yourself that something bad has happened to you. Whatever you feel- anger, hatred, self-loathing- just let it flow. That way you learn about yourself, how you manage crisis and how to better handle pain.

#2 Cry, cry, cry:

Heartbreaks will show you just how emotional you can be. This is also the period when you will suddenly get the urge to stifle your sobs and text “I’m okay”. Don’t do that to yourself. At that point in time, you are not okay. You know it. Your friends know it, so why intensify your agony by holding back your tears?

Tears are healing. They wash out impurities from your eyes, like dust particles or remaining memories that just won’t fade out of your mind.

#3 Express yourself:

You know, instead of saying how fine you are and then getting stupid drunk. It helps to vent to someone when you have experienced deep hurt, and grief. Talking to someone helps you relive the experience and piece it apart.

In taking the situation apart, you will be able to identify what went wrong. In adition, you will most probably discover their flaws and faults. This is good because it helps you take them off their pedestal and see them for who they really are.

In situations of non-romantic grief, the importance of expressing one’s pain cannot be overemphasized. Talking out the pain allows friends to bestow much needed empathy. Comfort makes emotional burdens easier to bear.

#4 Forgive yourself:

Don’t beat yourself up over having made the wrong choice in the first place. You are human, and you cannot see into the future. You must forgive yourself for errors, imagined or real, that you made in the relationship.

It is important that you do not blame yourself for the failure of the relationship. It takes two to make any social activity work. And if your heartbreak is based on the loss of a loved one, please do not dwell on all the wrongs you did to them.

You should remember that they loved you just as you did them. Forgiveness is one of the main ingredients of any successful relationship.

#5 Forgive them:

This is very similar to forgiving yourself, but even more crucial. It might sound impossible initially, especially when the hurt is still fresh. However, you need to slowly forgive them of all the pain they have caused you.

Forgiving someone loosens the hold they have over your thoughts and actions. It means that you are no longer focusing your every breath on revenge. It means that space in your head is freed up for more productive thoughts. It can be hard to do, but it is beautiful and refreshing once achieved.

#6 Take off the rose tinted glasses:

It is super easy- and natural- to place the one you love on a pedestal. In order to get over heartbreak faster, you must undo that action. Don’t hate them; just see them for who they really are.

If they were sleazy and slovenly, don’t see them as cute couch potatoes anymore. If they were unfaithful and constantly apologizing, see them as the manipulative people they truly are.

Consciously remove the pretty paint you created for them. Examine the real person beneath, and you will agree that they probably did not deserve you.

Think of it as their loss. Because it is. You are this awesome, beautiful and talented person. How could anyone not miss the brightness of your aura?

#8 Accept that you cannot control anyone’s decisions:

The sad truth life smacks us with at one point or another is that we have control over ourselves alone. Therefore, the reasons behind other people’s actions or inactions will mostly ever be mysterious to us.

Understand that they made a choice, just as you did. You cannot control their behavior. But you can control how you choose to let it affect you.

#9 Do not text them:

Burn your phone, bury it. Resist your itchy fingers. Ignore the burning urge to seek closure. If the relationship could have worked, it would not have crashed. No amount of explanations and “who done what” can make it right again.

#10 Resist the urge to stalk them:

This is a capital NO. Please get off their social media pages. Block them if you have to. You really do not want to see pictures of them falling in love again. Do you?

Stalking is super unhealthy and just slows your healing right back to square one. Don’t do it.

Get back up and slay. Dress up. Eat healthy. Smile and be brave. This too, will pass.

Heartbreak can make you weak. It can destroy your appetite and reduce your will to live. And unless you’re half human or asexual- in which case we all envy you- you will have dealt with messy emotions every now and then. I am of the opinion that if you can feel and think, then you can get hurt.

But then, popular musician Ed Sheeran says in one of his songs, “a heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved”.

This gives us hope that before our hearts break we will probably experience brief - or extended periods - of love induced euphoria.

You will probably argue with that last statement, especially if your heartbreak was triggered by unrequited love. If you will take it from my point of view however, you will agree that even crushing on someone brings happiness, however momentary.

Heartbreaks can be painful, and seem like the end of the world. There is a saying, however that nothing is permanent in this world except change. Change comes with time, gradually and irreversibly. Heartbreaks are no different from other difficulties in life, in that they will all pass.

That however, sounds very clichéd and not very comforting. Everyone who has experienced heartbreak knows that period of time it can feel as though the pain would never end.

Obviously what is needed therefore, are short-term solutions to help us cope. So here goes!

#1 Don’t be afraid to feel:

Today’s world preaches a lot of tough guy approach towards emotions. We hide our pain behind detached, philosophical quotes and emojis. And to be honest, it is easier to pretend nothing happened, than to admit that you have been hurt.

This behavior is counterproductive to healing, however. Feelings have been programmed into humanity for a reason. It is normal to be very hurt, and shutting down those feelings will only lengthen your healing period.

Instead, admit to yourself that something bad has happened to you. Whatever you feel- anger, hatred, self-loathing- just let it flow. That way you learn about yourself, how you manage crisis and how to better handle pain.

#2 Cry, cry, cry:

Tears are healing. They wash out impurities from your eyes, like dust particles or remaining memories that just won’t fade out of your mind.

#3 Express yourself:

You know, instead of saying how fine you are and then getting stupid drunk. It helps to vent to someone when you have experienced deep hurt, and grief. Talking to someone helps you relive the experience and piece it apart.

In taking the situation apart, you will be able to identify what went wrong. In adition, you will most probably discover their flaws and faults. This is good because it helps you take them off their pedestal and see them for who they really are.

In situations of non-romantic grief, the importance of expressing one’s pain cannot be overemphasized. Talking out the pain allows friends to bestow much needed empathy. Comfort makes emotional burdens easier to bear.

#4 Forgive yourself:

Don’t beat yourself up over having made the wrong choice in the first place. You are human, and you cannot see into the future. You must forgive yourself for errors, imagined or real, that you made in the relationship.

It is important that you do not blame yourself for the failure of the relationship. It takes two to make any social activity work. And if your heartbreak is based on the loss of a loved one, please do not dwell on all the wrongs you did to them.

You should remember that they loved you just as you did them. Forgiveness is one of the main ingredients of any successful relationship.

#5 Forgive them:

This is very similar to forgiving yourself, but even more crucial. It might sound impossible initially, especially when the hurt is still fresh. However, you need to slowly forgive them of all the pain they have caused you.

Forgiving someone loosens the hold they have over your thoughts and actions. It means that you are no longer focusing your every breath on revenge. It means that space in your head is freed up for more productive thoughts. It can be hard to do, but it is beautiful and refreshing once achieved.

#6 Take off the rose tinted glasses:

It is super easy- and natural- to place the one you love on a pedestal. In order to get over heartbreak faster, you must undo that action. Don’t hate them; just see them for who they really are.

If they were sleazy and slovenly, don’t see them as cute couch potatoes anymore. If they were unfaithful and constantly apologizing, see them as the manipulative people they truly are.

Consciously remove the pretty paint you created for them. Examine the real person beneath, and you will agree that they probably did not deserve you.

Think of it as their loss. Because it is. You are this awesome, beautiful and talented person. How could anyone not miss the brightness of your aura?

#8 Accept that you cannot control anyone’s decisions:

The sad truth life smacks us with at one point or another is that we have control over ourselves alone. Therefore, the reasons behind other people’s actions or inactions will mostly ever be mysterious to us.

Understand that they made a choice, just as you did. You cannot control their behavior. But you can control how you choose to let it affect you.

#9 Do not text them:

Burn your phone, bury it. Resist your itchy fingers. Ignore the burning urge to seek closure. If the relationship could have worked, it would not have crashed. No amount of explanations and “who done what” can make it right again.

#10 Resist the urge to stalk them:

This is a capital NO. Please get off their social media pages. Block them if you have to. You really do not want to see pictures of them falling in love again. Do you?

Stalking is super unhealthy and just slows your healing right back to square one. Don’t do it.

Get back up and slay. Dress up. Eat healthy. Smile and be brave. This too, will pass.

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